Words are not enough. -_-

Dadideer? 

HOW MUCH DO i LOVE YOU?

You don't know how much I love you! You are the best boyfriend any girl could ever ask for. Whenever I have a problem and need some comfort or advice, you are there for me. It is you who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to have your children one day too. You don't know how much I appreciate you, admire you, trust you, respect you, and unconditionally love you.

I believe this is true love, and you are the one for me. Being away from you drives me crazy and makes me want to be with you right at that very moment. When I think of this separation as a test, then I can deal with it. If this is what it takes to finally be with you one day, then I will go through it. Well, dadi, I am going to end this letter by telling you that I love you more than anything in this world. Remember that for now. I love you so much.  

#BeejayDadideer! 

I love you with the deepest passion and I wish we could see each other every day but I know that you're so far away. It hurts me to know how I sometimes can be a little selfish when it comes to you, but, dadi, I'm in the deepest love for you!

Did you know that I think about you at night wishing you were here? I love you. I want you to know how I feel. We really need to talk but then again I don't know. My heart bleeds blood for you and I can't see. My stomach hurts and my head is throbbing but I want you to know more than anything that I miss you.

Forever in love with you Dadideer <3

I miss you soo much.

Dear Dadideer,

How are you? I knew you're not okay. Are you tired? Maybe you are. I always ask you lots of questions, not just because I am curious, but because every question comes from inside my heart. We are so far apart from each other, and I try so much to be with you. This is difficult, but nothing on earth can make me lose my true love for you.

Distance is a problem now, but if we look at it from a different point of view, we will know this is the only thing that can prove our true love, not end it. It will not be long before every dream will come true, and we will smile with a tear of happiness together. We'll talk about the past in our home together with our little daughter who you wanted to stay with me, the little girl who has black hair like you, brown eyes like me, and your smile. I wait for the day we are together again, as I know you do too. I love you with all my heart dadideer.

I miss you soo much. 

Mamideer 

Revelations. -_-

I'm sorry I lied

I don't know how to do it,
But I got to do right,
I need to say I'm sorry,
I don't want to see us fight.
I'm staring at the clouds,
I sit and reminisce,
I remember all the good times we had
I remember our first kiss
I don't want to have to end it,
I don't want to see it go free,
I want to be able to feel you lips
Not just in my dreams,
Although I constantly dream of you,
It just doesn't seem enough,
I want to see you face,
I want to feel your touch,
I want you in my bed,
Hugging and kissing me,
I want you in my bed,
Making love to me,
I miss all the times we've shared
And I can't stand to let it go,
Over something that I did
I really went down low,
I shared a kiss with someone else,
When I should only be kissing you,
And right after I did that
I felt I wasn't true,
Even though he kissed me,
And I didn't kiss him back,
My mistake was,
Not moving and stepping back,
It meant absolutely nothing,
When his lips were touching mine,
I could only see your face,
Running through my mind,
But out of everything I did the most,
The real reason why I cried,
Instead of being honest
I sat there and I lied,
Damn I want to turn back time,
And just tell you what went down,
I wouldn't be writing this,
I wouldn't have this frown,
You'd be able to trust me,
You wouldn't want to leave,
I would be able to hold a smile,
I'd be able to breathe,
Because I did that one thing,
My life is just mess,
Because I lied to you,
I'm suffering from stress,
I'm suffering from a broken heart,
Because I broke yours,
I wish I wouldn't have lied to you,
I want to make it work
I want to be your only one,
I don't want to have to search,
Search for a different man,
Cause I only want you
But when I close my eyes,
And I open and your not there,
A tear runs down my face,
I can't act like I don't care, 
And I hope you come back,
And forgive me for what I've done,
Give me another chance,
Give me this last one.

I'm so sorry.

Dadideer, Bayoot! I knew it, I've done something wrong. I'm so sorry! I've realized everything. 

I love you soo much. 

 I know what I said hurt you deeply bayoot. The moment those words left my lips I knew that I couldn't act fast enough to retract them. Your reaction was justified. If someone whom I cared about had said such things to me, I would have reacted the same way. "I'm sorry" doesn't seem to be adequate. I wish I knew how to say it better. I've relived that moment over and over and wondered how I could have been so insensitive. I don't think I have ever been so disappointed in myself. I hate hearing you cry because of what I said to you. I'm nervous about asking you to forgive me. I'm sure that you've suffered a great deal because of me, and asking for forgiveness is so much to ask from you. I also know that you might find it hard to believe my promise that I will learn from my mistake and never repeat it. I truly never want to put our relationship on the line again. I hope you will believe that dadi. 

Right now, I believe in "US" dadi, because of our past ability to work through our problems. I know we have never faced a challenge so difficult before, but I feel that we have been with each other long enough to know how to try. We know how to lift each other, forgive each other, and end up stronger. That ability can only come from love. And that is what I feel for you—a love than is deeper than I have ever known; a love that can close this wound. Though I've said that I don't feel the love anymore, but honestly, I knew that deep inside it is still you whom this confuse heart is beating for. I am sorry. I don't want you to think that I'm saying those words lightly. I really mean them. I am so sorry. I know that what I did was wrong and I know that it hurt you deeply. I'm not sure what I was thinking, but I do know that I never wanted to hurt you. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. All I can do is try to show you how much I regret what I've done and ask for your forgiveness.

I love you—please believe me. I love you for your giving nature, for talking about dreams and fears and hopes and hurts. We've shared so much. I love you. We have certainly had our share of problems in the past, but we've always been able to work through them. I think we're actually stronger because of them. I hope that this situation is no different. Dadi, I will do whatever it takes for you to trust me again, so that we can go back to the way things were. Let's share healing, too. I promise you will find a better me dadideer.

Bayoot? We've had too many good times together to break up over this. I take full responsibility for my mistake, so please don't give up on me now. I promise. 

Remember the good times like when we spent one week at MVC together? Is it soo amazing? Remember how happy we were? I know it can be that way again. Please forgive me.

I want to see you this weekend. I want to start making it up to you. I will wait for you here dadideer. I love you soo much 

Sincerely Sorry,

Uyaab Mami Shang2